I was faking it…

one woman’s search for orgasm

Posts Tagged ‘Loni Anderson

What’s harder to find than the ‘G’ spot?

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A wonderful new possibility occurred to me: maybe I already had an orgasm and I just didn’t know it?  That would sure be an easy way to avoid facing up the deep psychological problems that my inability to orgasm is supposedly rooted in (according to FOD)

Of course, in order to find out if I’ve had one, I need to figure out what exactly what ‘one’ looks and feels like.

I thought that would be a simple enough task, but then I also thought that Loni Anderson was the most beautiful woman in the world when I was 13.

loni-anderson-015The problem is that the only definitions of female orgasms I could find fall into what I call the ambiguous, the flakey, and the technical.

1. The Ambiguous: a female orgasm is “the climax of sensual feeling” (source).

A deep waft of coffee aroma filled my nose, climaxing in release of the warm liquid into my oral cavity yesterday afternoon. Was that an orgasm? And if so, should I feel ashamed for doing it in a public place?

2. The Flakey: a female orgasms is “the earth moving” (source).

I thought that only happened during spiritual experiences–usually involving an apparition of the virgin Mary or a new-age mystic. 

3. The Scientific: a female orgasm is “Clonic contraction of pelvic and abdominal muscles initiated by a spinal reflex” (source).

I recently took up pilates—I think that may have been the third move we did.

Seeing as I have the coffee and ab crunches done, I guess all I need to do to make sure I’ve experienced an orgasm is to start building my crystal and incense collection, or  take my grandmother’s advice and start going to Sunday Mass.  At least now I finally understand why she’s such a devote Catholic.

On the other hand, maybe I just need to find a better definition.