I was faking it…

one woman’s search for orgasm

Posts Tagged ‘Cinderella

Narcissism, lust, and getting past Cinderella

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What do women want when it comes to sexual intimacy? Well, according to the Marta Meana, who treats women with sexual dysfunction , we all just want to be wanted.  Badly.

Female desire…is not governed by the relational factors that, we like to think, rule women’s sexuality as opposed to men’s…Really, women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic” — it is dominated by the yearnings of “self-love,” by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need (quoted in the Jan 25 New York Times article),

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The problem is that being passive pretties leads to low lust—a trend to which the high number and variety of female sexual dysfunctions attests to.

Why is this happening? Feministe blogger, Jill, claims it is not due to any intrinsic nature of womenkind, but rather how they are represented in society:

Shocking, absolutely shocking, that when women are raised in a culture that equates the female body with sex itself, that positions the female body as an object of desire, and that emphasizes that being desired is the height of female achievement, women will see sex as a process primarily centered on male attraction to women, and will get off more on being wanted than on wanting (source).

She does have a point.

cinderella-muralAs a girl I really really wanted to be Cinderella. Not because she got to dance with the hottest guy in the ball, and marry him to boot, but because of the moment when she became the object of desire of every person in the palace– women and men alike stopped to gaze at her when she arrived in all her ice-blue glory.

Though I had lots of erotic urges during my adolescence and beyond, the most compelling desire I had above all was to be looked at and wanted.

It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that I actually allowed myself, just once, to shift out of the role of the glittering princess, and be the aggressor. It was exciting (though my victim, who happened to bring a bouquet of roses to the event obviously didn’t seem to realize that he’d been seduced by a woman– at the end of the night he jokingly attributed our tryst to an inanimate object: the flowers).

I’m not suggesting that young girls should be hanging out in bars and picking up men for one-night-stands, but rather that the female role models our society offers—from fairytales to Seventeen Magazine, could be a little less concerned about making males want them, and focus more on what they actually want.  In bed, or otherwise.